So if anyone has read the very last Harry Potter book of the series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, hopefully some of you have made the corrolation between Voldemort's plot to take over the wizarding world.......and the Holocaust. Honestly, if you think about it they are almost exactly the same and if you don't agree, here is an obvious analogy to help you realize J.K. Rowling's desperate attempt to create magical works of fiction:
Voldemort is to Hitler as Mud-bloods are to Jews.
Making sense now?
As I have previously mentioned, I believe this book was J.K. Rowling's desperate attempt to go out with a "bang" with the Harry Potter series and that, although it was a great book, $10 says she wrote this at the last minute. Here's how it went down:
"Hmmmm that was a good nap. What time is it? *looks at clock*.......6:00????? Oh no! I'm supposed to have this book submitted by midnight! Whatever shall I do?? Okay, okay calm down. Calm yourself. Let's see what we already have written *looks at paper: 'HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS.'.........shit. Okay, okay ummm maybe I should take a historical event and write about that except just use the words "magic", "wand", and "wizard" in every other sentence. Yeah! That's a great idea! Good job, J.K., you've amazed even yourself once again. Hmmm....what's a historical even that no one will recognize if I write about? *gasp* The Holocaust! Perfect!"
Yupp. That's exactly how it went down. But seriously, let's be analytical about this. Lord Voldemort is trying to kill all half- and mud-bloods. Hitler tried to kill all the Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, and people with mental defects. Voldemort has Death Eaters to go out and capture all the mud-bloods. Hitler had the Green Police go out and arrest the Jews and aformentioned people.
It makes perfect sense. Despite my love for this entire series of books, I must admit that due to this recent realization my respect for the beloved J.K. Rowling has decreased a sizeable amount and only if the movie turns out to be equally as awesome as the book will my respect for her once again be restored to the highest calibur.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Desperate Teen In Need Of Inspiration
My creative capacity for all things artistic has failed me once again. Numerous, desperate attempts to write a decent song has become painfully challenging over these past few weeks. To quote the lovable but dumb Britney from Glee, "there are just too many lyrics...." Not to mention creating a tune, the backup vocals, the backing instruments, and the insufferable guitar chords for various acoustic uses. Lyrics have proven to be the hardest stage for me personally seeing as you need to be clever about disguising your emotions within the lyrics you use. You can't just come out and say "I'm so angry, I hate the world." No. You need to be sneaky. Take it from me, it is not as easy as other artists, such as Ke$ha, make it look.
"Blah blah blah ba-da ba ba ba" Real complex lyrics, Ke$ha. You must work so hard.
The next stage in this excruciating process would be to create a tune. As hard as I try and try and try and try and -- yeah, you get what I'm getting at -- the only thing that comes to mind is "Mary Had a Little Lamb". Great. Fuck you, Mary! And your little lamb! Stop plaguing my thoughts with your taunting tunes while I'm trying to create art, dammit!!
If any of my numerous followers and readers (haha yeah that's a good one) have ANY idea of what I could possibly write anything about PLEASE let me know!! Comment, comment, comment!
Peace, love, and music.
"Blah blah blah ba-da ba ba ba" Real complex lyrics, Ke$ha. You must work so hard.
The next stage in this excruciating process would be to create a tune. As hard as I try and try and try and try and -- yeah, you get what I'm getting at -- the only thing that comes to mind is "Mary Had a Little Lamb". Great. Fuck you, Mary! And your little lamb! Stop plaguing my thoughts with your taunting tunes while I'm trying to create art, dammit!!
If any of my numerous followers and readers (haha yeah that's a good one) have ANY idea of what I could possibly write anything about PLEASE let me know!! Comment, comment, comment!
Peace, love, and music.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Glee: My Drug
Dear Glee,
You are the most awesome show in the world. I love you. Each of my Tuesdays during the season are filled with glorious acting, dancing, autotuned songs, and lip-syncing that thoroughly give me a great sense of enjoyment every time I tune into Fox. Even now, after the first season finale you still show reruns of yourself to allow viewers, like me, to play catch up when goddamn Hulu can only play the 5 latest videos and one has to desperately Google the shit out of the "Pilot," "Showmance," and "Acafellas" episodes because it is only the day before the "Preggers" episode airs that they finally decide to tune in and check out what all the talk was about, only to realize that they stupidly never watched the previous 3 episodes and are cursing themselves for not knowing what the hell is going... Anyways... Each of your cast members continues to amaze me in their performances whether they are the series regulars or special guest stars, which I have to say, are quite A-list, ranging from Broadway stars Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth, to notable music artists such as Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban. Because of this I am hereby dubbing you "my drug of choice" (to quote Ke$ha). If it was ever humanly possible I would pay mass amounts of money to buy you in powdered form and subsequently inject large quantities of you into my forearm in an attempt to be just as equally awesome-tastic as you already are.
With love/devotion/a desperate plea for you to replace Cory Monteith with someone who can actually sing,
--Angelo
You are the most awesome show in the world. I love you. Each of my Tuesdays during the season are filled with glorious acting, dancing, autotuned songs, and lip-syncing that thoroughly give me a great sense of enjoyment every time I tune into Fox. Even now, after the first season finale you still show reruns of yourself to allow viewers, like me, to play catch up when goddamn Hulu can only play the 5 latest videos and one has to desperately Google the shit out of the "Pilot," "Showmance," and "Acafellas" episodes because it is only the day before the "Preggers" episode airs that they finally decide to tune in and check out what all the talk was about, only to realize that they stupidly never watched the previous 3 episodes and are cursing themselves for not knowing what the hell is going... Anyways... Each of your cast members continues to amaze me in their performances whether they are the series regulars or special guest stars, which I have to say, are quite A-list, ranging from Broadway stars Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth, to notable music artists such as Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban. Because of this I am hereby dubbing you "my drug of choice" (to quote Ke$ha). If it was ever humanly possible I would pay mass amounts of money to buy you in powdered form and subsequently inject large quantities of you into my forearm in an attempt to be just as equally awesome-tastic as you already are.
With love/devotion/a desperate plea for you to replace Cory Monteith with someone who can actually sing,
--Angelo
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A is for Air Conditioning
Why is it that on the hottest days of the year my mother neglects to turn on the one object in the house that unites and brings unprecedented joy to the entire family? What is that object, you ask?
If you answered "the television," you could be pretty smart.
If you answered "the toaster," you could possibly be suffering from mental retardation.
However, if you were genius enough to answer "the air conditioning," then I applaud you for being able to use deductive reasoning since the title of this post is, in fact, "A is for Air Conditioning".
My house could be the only house in America that indeed has AC but neglects to utilize it during such summer days when the sun is so hot that birds get fried mid-flight. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I should hope not.
NEWSFLASH, mommy dearest: This is not the Stone Age. We are not the Amish. It is hot out. Turn. The. Damn. AC. On. Many a nights have I stayed up not being able to sleep due to the sweltering temperature of our extremely tiny house. You even had the nerve to take away my precious, portable fan I station next to my bed at night and to this I say HOW DARE YOU!!
Upon questioning you as to why you perform such actions, your reply was "Because, everyone knows we are in a recession. I am trying to save money. Private school and college is not cheap, you know." OH, so that's how it is?? Well SORRY for being such a genius that I have to go to the #3 private school in the country. It is all my fault. You're right, mother, as compensation when it comes time for me to take the SATs I will not study at all in hopes that I get a terrible grade and not get into college, in turn allowing for you to save the money you would've spent on tuition. Maybe now we will save enough money to be able to use the air conditioning, or at least run a freaking portable fan on the hottest days of the year.
If you answered "the television," you could be pretty smart.
If you answered "the toaster," you could possibly be suffering from mental retardation.
However, if you were genius enough to answer "the air conditioning," then I applaud you for being able to use deductive reasoning since the title of this post is, in fact, "A is for Air Conditioning".
My house could be the only house in America that indeed has AC but neglects to utilize it during such summer days when the sun is so hot that birds get fried mid-flight. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I should hope not.
NEWSFLASH, mommy dearest: This is not the Stone Age. We are not the Amish. It is hot out. Turn. The. Damn. AC. On. Many a nights have I stayed up not being able to sleep due to the sweltering temperature of our extremely tiny house. You even had the nerve to take away my precious, portable fan I station next to my bed at night and to this I say HOW DARE YOU!!
Upon questioning you as to why you perform such actions, your reply was "Because, everyone knows we are in a recession. I am trying to save money. Private school and college is not cheap, you know." OH, so that's how it is?? Well SORRY for being such a genius that I have to go to the #3 private school in the country. It is all my fault. You're right, mother, as compensation when it comes time for me to take the SATs I will not study at all in hopes that I get a terrible grade and not get into college, in turn allowing for you to save the money you would've spent on tuition. Maybe now we will save enough money to be able to use the air conditioning, or at least run a freaking portable fan on the hottest days of the year.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Seriously, God, stop calling my house.
These past few days in my neighborhood have been filled with mysterious, sporadic phone calls that when answered, no one is on the other end. Ruling out the possibilities of a murderer, stalker, or rapist, here are my theories:
1) The phone lines are simply fucked up due to poor service
or...
2) God is phoning down from the heavens and prank calling our houses in an attempt to warn us that we either stop being the partying, drinking, morally corrupt booze-bags that we are; or be eternally condemned to Hell
Clearly, #2 is the more plausible. Obviously.
If there ever existed a large group of people that could constantly piss everyone off without even trying to due to their physical state of intoxication, then my neighbors definitely fit that profile. Weekends on my street are filled with late-night parties held by my thirty-something-year-old neighbors that still live at home with their parents and since I live directly next-door to them, my family and I get the brunt of the torture: headlights constantly shining in our windows and the steady bass sound of club music blaring from within their house. NOT TO MENTION the occasional Indie Rock concert being held in their backyard (equipped with microphone and amps), which is especially annoying during the summer months since we sleep with the windows open.
So let me offer my formal rebuttal, neighbors whose last name I cannot spell correctly. If you ever come across this please take the hint: WE. HATE. YOU. Like, in all seriousness, we really do. The whole neighborhood. Your house is not a night club. Also, to whoever the hell is singing in your backyard all the time with their acoustic guitar: you should really invest in singing lessons because you suck. Listening to you sing makes me want to kick puppies......Just kidding! It makes me want to kick kittens. Not kidding. Somebody please explain to me the fact that you all party from 8:00 at night until 3:00 in the morning! Do you not like to sleep at night?! Apparently you all feel the need to make it so that everyone else on the street is not able to do so either. Regardless, whenever all of you do find time to sleep it is never enough because I see you walk outside almost every day and get your mail (stalker-ish, I know) and you look like a paralysis patient undergoing physical therapy by actually being forced to get up off the couch and walk. Each time one of you slumps out to the mailbox the day after an all-nighter this is what I think to myself:
"HA, neighbor-with-the-weird-last-name! Suck it! I bet that bright sun and chirping birds are really doing wonders for your hangover right now and there is nothing you can do about it!"
But then comes the harsh realization that it doesn't matter that they can't do anything about it. They will get their mail and go back into the house and sleep until 8:00 at night (because they are 30-years-old and have no job), at which point they will start the whole process over again. Damn you neighbors! God obviously sent us a clear-cut sign that you need to stop acting like college students but NO, you chose to ignore it. The blaring sound of wannabe night club music probably masked the sound of the phone ringing. Well done. Your neglect to act age-appropriate is negatively effecting the entire neighborhood and because of this we are all doomed to spend eternity listening to your noise pollution. See you in Hell.
1) The phone lines are simply fucked up due to poor service
or...
2) God is phoning down from the heavens and prank calling our houses in an attempt to warn us that we either stop being the partying, drinking, morally corrupt booze-bags that we are; or be eternally condemned to Hell
Clearly, #2 is the more plausible. Obviously.
If there ever existed a large group of people that could constantly piss everyone off without even trying to due to their physical state of intoxication, then my neighbors definitely fit that profile. Weekends on my street are filled with late-night parties held by my thirty-something-year-old neighbors that still live at home with their parents and since I live directly next-door to them, my family and I get the brunt of the torture: headlights constantly shining in our windows and the steady bass sound of club music blaring from within their house. NOT TO MENTION the occasional Indie Rock concert being held in their backyard (equipped with microphone and amps), which is especially annoying during the summer months since we sleep with the windows open.
So let me offer my formal rebuttal, neighbors whose last name I cannot spell correctly. If you ever come across this please take the hint: WE. HATE. YOU. Like, in all seriousness, we really do. The whole neighborhood. Your house is not a night club. Also, to whoever the hell is singing in your backyard all the time with their acoustic guitar: you should really invest in singing lessons because you suck. Listening to you sing makes me want to kick puppies......Just kidding! It makes me want to kick kittens. Not kidding. Somebody please explain to me the fact that you all party from 8:00 at night until 3:00 in the morning! Do you not like to sleep at night?! Apparently you all feel the need to make it so that everyone else on the street is not able to do so either. Regardless, whenever all of you do find time to sleep it is never enough because I see you walk outside almost every day and get your mail (stalker-ish, I know) and you look like a paralysis patient undergoing physical therapy by actually being forced to get up off the couch and walk. Each time one of you slumps out to the mailbox the day after an all-nighter this is what I think to myself:
"HA, neighbor-with-the-weird-last-name! Suck it! I bet that bright sun and chirping birds are really doing wonders for your hangover right now and there is nothing you can do about it!"
But then comes the harsh realization that it doesn't matter that they can't do anything about it. They will get their mail and go back into the house and sleep until 8:00 at night (because they are 30-years-old and have no job), at which point they will start the whole process over again. Damn you neighbors! God obviously sent us a clear-cut sign that you need to stop acting like college students but NO, you chose to ignore it. The blaring sound of wannabe night club music probably masked the sound of the phone ringing. Well done. Your neglect to act age-appropriate is negatively effecting the entire neighborhood and because of this we are all doomed to spend eternity listening to your noise pollution. See you in Hell.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Hello, My Name is Angelo and I Will Be Your Blogger This Evening...
The first thing I want to say here is that the constitution of this blog has been long-awaited. I mean this quite literally, seeing as how I've been talking to my friend about starting one for several days now but HA Audrey, if you are reading this you should know that I am now officially better tan you (in case you ever had any doubts). Why, you ask? Because now I have a blog.
Suck it.
Anyways -- if you knew me personally you would know how funny I actually am in person. But if you don't.....well, it's a similar experience to when the past three Twilight movies have come out. You've read the entire series like, five times already, and are expecting a very deep movie about the romantic struggle between a vampire boy and human girl in an attempt to keep a lasting relationship despite his ravenous appetite for her blood, and the clan of vampire-hating werewolves led by a 17-year-old with a spray tan and computer generated six-pack. What you get instead? Well, sorry for the disappointment.
If my complete disregard for proper grammar by using an extremely long run on sentence (bad Angelo, bad!) threw you off track of what I was actually trying to get at here, then my point is: I'm hilarious in person. On the computer, mehh not so much? (Maybe you'll think otherwise?)
...... ....... ......
....Okay crap so now I'm stuck. I've lost my train of thought and I don't really know how to end this so I'm just going to end it riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight --
Now.
(PS: Sorry to any Twilight lovers out there reading this. No hate comments please!)
Okay so I lied just now about the end of this post. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to betray your trust so early on. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.
......uhmm.....The End.
Suck it.
Anyways -- if you knew me personally you would know how funny I actually am in person. But if you don't.....well, it's a similar experience to when the past three Twilight movies have come out. You've read the entire series like, five times already, and are expecting a very deep movie about the romantic struggle between a vampire boy and human girl in an attempt to keep a lasting relationship despite his ravenous appetite for her blood, and the clan of vampire-hating werewolves led by a 17-year-old with a spray tan and computer generated six-pack. What you get instead? Well, sorry for the disappointment.
If my complete disregard for proper grammar by using an extremely long run on sentence (bad Angelo, bad!) threw you off track of what I was actually trying to get at here, then my point is: I'm hilarious in person. On the computer, mehh not so much? (Maybe you'll think otherwise?)
...... ....... ......
....Okay crap so now I'm stuck. I've lost my train of thought and I don't really know how to end this so I'm just going to end it riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight --
Now.
(PS: Sorry to any Twilight lovers out there reading this. No hate comments please!)
Okay so I lied just now about the end of this post. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to betray your trust so early on. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.
......uhmm.....The End.
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