A is for Air Conditioning

Why is it that on the hottest days of the year my mother neglects to turn on the one object in the house that unites and brings unprecedented joy to the entire family? What is that object, you ask?

If you answered "the television," you could be pretty smart.

If you answered "the toaster," you could possibly be suffering from mental retardation.

However, if you were genius enough to answer "the air conditioning," then I applaud you for being able to use deductive reasoning since the title of this post is, in fact, "A is for Air Conditioning".

My house could be the only house in America that indeed has AC but neglects to utilize it during such summer days when the sun is so hot that birds get fried mid-flight. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I should hope not.

NEWSFLASH, mommy dearest: This is not the Stone Age. We are not the Amish. It is hot out. Turn. The. Damn. AC. On. Many a nights have I stayed up not being able to sleep due to the sweltering temperature of our extremely tiny house. You even had the nerve to take away my precious, portable fan I station next to my bed at night and to this I say HOW DARE YOU!!

Upon questioning you as to why you perform such actions, your reply was "Because, everyone knows we are in a recession. I am trying to save money. Private school and college is not cheap, you know." OH, so that's how it is?? Well SORRY for being such a genius that I have to go to the #3 private school in the country. It is all my fault. You're right, mother, as compensation when it comes time for me to take the SATs I will not study at all in hopes that I get a terrible grade and not get into college, in turn allowing for you to save the money you would've spent on tuition. Maybe now we will save enough money to be able to use the air conditioning, or at least run a freaking portable fan on the hottest days of the year.